i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
