Heybabeimwearingurpanties
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
