i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
