So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
