Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
