did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
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