Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize