Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
