are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
