These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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