Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
