The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
So much Jack, so little girl.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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