ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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