If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
40s are totally the cure
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
