I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
