I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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