i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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