you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
