I'm so fucking centered right now
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
did you just send me my own nude
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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