Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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