First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
