It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
