it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
