i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
