i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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