i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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