Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
