I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
