i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
