this beer tastes like vomit already
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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