ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
