You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
