I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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