It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
