Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
