we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
