I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
