she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
