sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
