Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize