are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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