I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
