I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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