how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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