Swine flu. Run for my life!
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
