you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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