mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize