Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
