I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
