Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
