Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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