I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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