I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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