is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
