i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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