she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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