dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Randomize
