I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
