we're blogging at a bar
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
