Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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