you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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