Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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