I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
