Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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